GUEST POST BY KELLI WEIBLEN
“Take time to do what makes your soul happy.
Whatever comes let it come.
What stays let stay.
What goes let go.”
This blog was written for women that feel lost…
For the women that need a ‘reset’ button, a fresh start.
I hope your soul finds peace.
Two lessons: ‘know thyself’ and ‘be thyself’. At the end of the day, you’re the only person you really have to live with and if you fully embrace your uniqueness, beauty and truth, you’ll wake up every day with purpose, confidence and happiness.
You are continuously evolving, changing, growing and learning. At every stage in your life, it’s necessary to take time to internally reflect and reevaluate yourself as a human being. Do you know who you are? What you stand for? Do you know what makes you beautiful? What do you want out of life?
In my early twenties, I was in college amongst other twenty-somethings spending most of my time drinking, partying and the like. It was the first time in my life that I had really been away from my immediate family and living on my own. I was free to make my own choices, formulate my own thoughts, be my own person. It was also at this time that I explored my inner-most being and made a conscious effort to focus on developing my sense of self.
What’s an experience, a friendship, a romance, a religion if you don’t know exactly who you are at your core?
So, how does one find themselves? (Trust me, this wasn’t a step-by-step program when I went through it, so there was/is a lot of trial and error!)
First, I had to develop my ‘guide’. In college, my life was speeding past me and I was living by my own rules, mixed in with a few life-lessons that were passed down by mom and dad. I had to find what was important to me to help myself grow, to protect my heart, and to select people to hold dear. Ever heard that saying “surround yourself with successful people”… or variations thereof? I would advise you to surround yourself with people that elevate you, speak kindly of you, have wisdom to share, and are invested in the relationship as much as you are. Create a guideline for the types of people you want to surround yourself with and the acceptable behaviors to embrace. Those people will help you to grow and to be proud of the person you become.
Second, I had to ‘exercise the demons!’ I laugh as I write this, but it’s so necessary. You must rid yourself of toxic people, dishonesty and dishonorable behavior; this includes your own dishonorable and self-loathing behavior. I spent a lot of time ignoring my responsibilities, procrastinating and cowering to address issues head-on. Thoughts of worthlessness, negativity and despair often crept up on me when I would find myself alone. I used booze as my vice. Alcohol allowed me to stay too busy to think, to live without responsibility for my actions, and it gave me an excuse for disgraceful and uncouth behavior – to be absent from my life. My entire life, I struggled with, and continue to struggle with, my self-confidence. It wasn’t until I rid myself of my demons that I was able to focus on improving myself. I had to detox my life to improve my health – my mental health, spiritual health, and physical health.
Lastly, I had to evolve. Learn from the lessons of my past mistakes, better myself in areas where I could improve, and focus on finding peace with whatever will be. Sometimes this process isn’t as natural as you may have originally hoped. Yes, you’re getting older, things are changing around you,.. but have you evolved as time has passed? By ‘evolved’, I mean, have you adapted to changes, gained wisdom with each experience, made improvements to not just survive, but thrive? If you haven’t, perhaps it’s time to make time. This may mean taking a journey alone, trying something new, starting a journal – whatever it is, make sure you’re doing it for YOU and that you’re focusing on your wellbeing and the things that push you forward. Remember that evolution is constant… Meaning this isn’t a one-and-done process; every day, take time for yourself – time to appreciate who you are, who you’re becoming, and who you have yet to become. When presented this way, it’s easy to see personal evolution as an uphill battle, but that’s where you’re wrong! When I was going through some of my toughest times, my mom always told me “one day at a time” – and those words have helped me climb some of life’s biggest mountains. Find peace with where you are in your journey and be excited about the journey that lies ahead – and continue to climb… one step at a time, one day at a time.
Whoever you are, whatever you believe, wherever you go – be you. Authentically you.
When you leave this earth, how do you want people to remember you? … Have an idea, yet? Alright,.. Now, scratch that! …Yes, of course, you want people to remember all the good things about you,.. How generous, thoughtful, caring you were… but you also want people to remember YOU. Not just the ‘you’ that you portrayed for all of those years. Are you living your life authentically?
Being genuine with others has brought such spiritual fulfillment to my life, because when someone knows me, they know my soul. For so long, I thought I had to be ashamed of certain mishaps that had taken place in my life and I felt it was necessary to hide those things. I know many people that have had a tragic event happen in their lives: a death, a divorce, a layoff, an affair, a betrayal, a breakup, a rape… Whatever the case, know that a tragedy doesn’t define you and that when you get the courage to talk about it, you connect yourself to others and you begin to heal.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable; that’s when you are your truest self. Vulnerability is powerful – it’s real – embrace it. It will change the way you live, you love, you think, you work, you parent, you connect. You must be willing to let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you really are – and that takes a lot of courage. What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. Vulnerability allows you to live fully, to accept your imperfections, to do things where there are no guarantees – and most importantly – it creates genuine and tangible connection, connection that adds meaning and purpose to your life.
I write in my journal nearly every day and although I’m not a writer, I was asked by my dear friend, Natalie, to share some of my personal insight for the Reset Retreatblog. Naively, I thought that I would be done with this blog post in two days; it’s now a month later and I’m still drafting my article. I didn’t realize how long this article would take me to write because I was fearful of the criticism I’d receive when people read my article. I had to gain confidence and courage to be vulnerable and to know that whoever is reading my story may find solace in my words and make a connection that changes their life.
When you’re being yourself, that’s when you are making real connections. And who knows? Maybe the next real connection will be true love… with yourself.
Kelli encourages everyone to find their inner champion, never needs an excuse to smile, and loves her family and her dog Frank dearly.